Security Expert Rehabilitation

In light of my last gloom and doom post, I wanted to turn the tables and add some humor. A while back a bunch of us came up with the concept of a security expert rehabilitation program. Once we give up security and go back to manual labor we need to re-acclimate ourselves to the rest of society. So, in no particular order, here’s what the rehabilitation program might look like:

Step 1: Sign up for a MySpace account. Facebook is fine too. Actually why not all of the social networking platforms? It’s easier to keep in contact with everyone if you do. Make sure to fill out each form field completely and accurately!

Step 2: Pick a password that is easy to remember and make sure to write it down on a sticky note. Feel free to tell your friends in case they want to use your account too. Better yet, make a list of all your passwords and change them all - to “password”. If someone is annoying and makes you use a number, “password1″. An upper case, a number and a special character use “Password+1″. Now tear up that pesky list you just made. You’re living easy now aren’t you?

Step 3: Download every third party widget, gadget, movie, game you can think of onto your social networking profile. Cuz that’s fun. And make sure to put every gory detail about who you are, where you live, what your birthday is, what your mother’s maiden name is, what you like and dislike, etc…. And feel free to update it regularly with any and all personal information that may have changed. That way people can get to know you better.

Step 4: Log into your newly created webmail account and email all your friends your likes and dislikes. Don’t forget to enable HTML rendering so you can see all the neato pictures! And don’t feel afraid of hitting reply to those spam emails. That’ll help them know that you’re not interested.

Step 5: Start downloading toolbars and desktop applications galore so that you can get your real time stock quotes, shop for beanie babies and know what the weather is like in Iceland at all times.

Step 6: Go ahead and remove all that anti-spyware and anti-malware junk. It makes your computer so much faster if you do! Plus, who wants to keep hitting “Ok” and “Allow” to every security warning? Turn `em off!

Step 7: Go ahead and plug that laptop right into the Internet. No need to use a firewall. Those are just complicated anyway. Or better yet, just go to the local cafe and use their public wifi. Hey, cute girls hang out there - that’s what normal people do: they hit on cute girls who are using open wifi. You want to be normal too, don’t you?

Step 8: Don’t bother to lock your computer when you go to the bathroom at your cafe. Let the police worry about crime - it’s not your job anymore.

Step 9: Open all the attachments you get in emails. Hey, they might be important, and you don’t want to be rude to whomever sent them to you, now do you? That’s not what normal people do.

Step 10: And finally, start clicking on all ads everywhere. They wouldn’t give a “special offer” to just anyone!

If I don’t post before then, have a great week and a good Halloween for those of you who celebrate the more pagan of holidays!